I just finished reading a really great resource, a book called: Codependent No More How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself by Melody Beattie (©1986, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation, USA). This book came to me from a friend at bible study who was responding in a positive way to some strong feelings I was sharing. He literally ordered this book on Amazon while I was talking. As I was sharing my notes from the book on my blog, my good friend, Jamie Holloway, suggested that I write up a book review to share with you.
People are complex and beautiful and did I mention complex…Balancing the physical, emotional and spiritual are key to recovery and wellness.
If you know me, you know I don’t read self-help books….or it looks as though, I took about a 25 year break from reading self-help books. Because it seemed like a life change to me, I decided to let the decision and act to seem really big. I purposely chose to journal a lot and be brutally honest with myself. I didn’t hold anything back. I started reading Codependent No More in June, so obviously I took my time as well. I gave myself time to let things sink in and process. I read chapter 11 three times…
I define codependency as depending on other people’s energy to define my actions, motives and decisions in order to control myself and others. Many people function at some level of codependency and we don’t even realize it. Within a few days of starting this book, I realized I was HIGHLY codependent and now that I have finished the book (and my counselor used that word very strongly last week), I know that I am. But it isn’t the end of the world. Now that I know, I can work to change. I can get better.
Codependency Characteristics can show themselves in many ways. We can see codependent characteristics through:
- caretaking
- low self-worth
- repression
- obsession
- controlling
- denial
- dependency
- poor communication
- weak boundaries
- lack of trust
- anger
- sex
I recommend this book to EVERYONE!
Melody Beattie writes in an easy to read tempo. She tells you right off the bat, she intended to write a book that was kind and might help people. She was successful. The book was positive and offered many suggestions to ways we can all make better decisions about how we communicate, initiate, maintain and sometimes end relationships, and how we can realize what we are doing that is unhealthy so we can change.
If you only read one self-help book in your whole life, you might consider making it this one.
If you want to read my notes:
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Codependent Characteristics from Chapter 4
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Part 1 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 5 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 6-7 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 8 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 9-10 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 11 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 12 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 13 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 14: Anger
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 15 & 16 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 17 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 18 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 19 Notes
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 20 Notes
- I Want to Like Myself
Summer D Clemenson co-owns Clemenson Enterprises and Wellness Works NW with her wife, Karen G Clemenson. Their personal motto is Creativity, Honesty & Positivity are a must! This mantra helps them stay community and wellness minded in all they do. Summer also writes poetry and inspirational blogs @ ClemensonEnterprises.com. Her crochet art can be viewed and purchased @ KnottyWares.com & she loves special orders!
