Wellness Works NW has asked me write a series of articles for their website on men’s health and on living with a chronic condition. My first article will be on Men Living with Depression. I chose depression, because it is something that happens to men. Whether they admit to it or not. Depression manifests itself in men differently than women, but the most important aspect to consider is that men are a lot more willing to commit suicide than women, and they are not likely to ask for help. When I found out this fact, my heart sank. Simply, because I know some men in my life who are depressed.
I asked myself these questions:
- Am I part of the reason why men do not ask for help when they are depressed?
- Do I have the same mind-set of they are supposed to be tough, virile men who need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and just deal with things?
I have admit I was. I apologize to the men in my life whom I have had this mentality with.
Depression is real. It’s not just a woman problem. It is a man problem; no, depression is a human problem. Depression kills you by stopping you from being proactive towards your wellness goals. Whatever those wellness goals may mean to each person. I have the belief that each of us has an idea of what wellness means to us. It’s individualized.
Here is something that I didn’t realize until I did some research:
“More than six million men in the United States have at least one episode of major depression each year. Unfortunately, the lingering image of depression as a female condition may keep men who are clinically depressed from recognizing the symptoms of depression and seeking treatment.” (from National Alliance of Mental Illness)
As I sat and let this quote absorb in my mind. I realize that it is true. I know my dad had some depression, when he was still with us. I know my brother has some form of depression. They have been taught they had to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and just deal with it. Be strong. Be tough. Be resilient. You are weak as a man if you weren’t tough. If you watch the movies of the macho men of Stallone and Schwarzenegger, you see this example: Depression only affects woman and men just don’t get depressed.
The fact that men, commit suicide more readily than a woman would, just blows my mind away. Not until I met a woman that has since become a dear friend of mine. Her son committed suicide, because he was depressed about his life. He weighed over 500 pounds and didn’t think he could have a life. He didn’t think he had any options. He died, because he didn’t think he could get the help he needed for his own wellness. That broke my friend’s heart. She loved her son dearly, and she had to be the one to find him and deal with the aftermath of the loss of this precious man.
Men when they are depressed tend to:
- Blame Others
- Feel angry
- Have inflated egos
- Feel suspicious and guarded
- Create conflicts
- Feel restless
- Need to feel in control at all costs
- Find it weak to admit self-doubt or weakness
- Use alcohol, TV, Drugs, or sex to self-medicate
This explains so much to me and my dealings with the men in my life. After spending weeks contemplating this. I finally realize that there are help for the men in our lives.
- Women who want to help their husbands or sons, I would, without nagging, suggest that they talk to a trusted male in their life: A pastor, friend, brother, father, cousin, or even a wellness coach.
- Men, if you see a friend who is going through any of the symptoms of depression, talk to them. Listen, have compassion, let go of the macho man approach of buck up boy and get over it approach. It doesn’t work. Depression isn’t something that will just go away without talking, without admitting how you are feeling. Be real, be compassionate, and be supportive of each other.
- Eat well. Eat brain healthy foods that will support your body. Drink lots of water.
- Take time for self-care in the form of exercise. Be active, play sports with some friends, or just go for a walk, whatever movement you would like to do. The important thing is to move your body. Men need to move a lot more than women do.
- Participate in social activities even if you don’t feel like it. Our connections help us deal with the pain of failure or even the pain of our bodies. Hang out with those that are supportive, make you laugh, or you can just be who you are without the “Masculine” hype.
Here are the links for where I got the information for my article.
Ask Dear Jamie to Research a Topic
Jamie Holloway lives in the Portland, Oregon area. Since October 2011 she has been sharing her Journey Toward Health and Wellness with Vasculitis through her blog at JamieChasesButterflies.com. As most of her articles will be about Men’s Health, Jamie intends to write her articles as though she was sharing important information with her brother, nephews and friends. We hope you are as inspired as we are with the raw candor Jamie uses in her writing. If you would like to help support Jamie’s writing efforts please Donate now.
