I am always amazed to hear of a person that is ashamed of their illness, especially mental illness. The stigma of chronic illness is almost as debilitating as the actual illness, in my opinion, but it doesn’t have to be. I am often told that I am amazingly transparent and for some people that is scary as hell and for others, that is refreshing. I come from people that are super private about medical histories and this is not good. We should not be afraid to talk about these things. In fact I would like to encourage you to face the illness so you can enjoy the healing.

According to the Mayo Clinic stigma is created when people view other people in a negative way because their beliefs about certain characteristics or stereotypes and this stigma can lead to discrimination. Discrimination can lead to negative remarks, avoidance, assumptions and judgements from others to you and even from yourself to yourself.

Some of the harmful effects of stigma may look like:

Reluctance to seek help or treatment.
Lack of understanding by family, friends, co-workers or others.
Fewer opportunities for work, school or social activities or trouble finding housing.
Bullying, physical violence or harassment.
Health insurance that doesn’t adequately cover your mental illness treatment.
The belief that you’ll never succeed at certain challenges or that you can improve your situation.

In my family I did know that I had autoimmune disease on both sides of my family but I had to get cancer before an aunt told me about our family’s medical history which includes several types of cancer, autism and mental illness. On the other side of my family, I knew there was some cancer and mental illness, but I wasn’t sure what kind. It was common on both sides of the family to hear family members had surgeries after the fact, only to be told that the family member was fine…I just don’t understand this. I still see prayer requests posted by family members that just ask for prayers but they don’t say for who or for what. I guess I am just different because I want prayers coming and going to and from surgery and don’t mind people knowing a few details.

My sister, Jamie Holloway, once told me that healing was something you had to do alone and even though, I am not going to argue with her decision, I don’t agree. It doesn’t have to be that way. I couldn’t get through all this stuff without her. I know she is fighting her own battle and sometimes I am too tired to listen to her, but when I can, I listen and pray, and when she can she listens and prays for me and we encourage each other. She teaches me so much. I am not sure I could do this without her. There are things I keep to myself and my wife and Jamie, but I am pretty much an open book. Why? Because I had to keep a lot of secrets growing up and I think that is part of the reason I am sick now. I also believe that my story might inspire someone else to keep fighting their fight. I don’t think I am that original. Even the bible says there is nothing new under the sun…so there must be someone out there that needs to hear what I have to say.

What does Jamie do that you can do?

Find out if your friend or family member is getting the care that they need and want and help them find connections if they don’t know how.
Express concern and support.
Remind your friend or family member that help is available and mental health issues and chronic illness can be treated.
Ask open-ended questions, listen to ideas and be responsive when the topic of mental health or physical health problems come up.
Reassure your friend or family member that you care about them.
Include your friend or family member in your plans even if they resist your invitations.
Educate people so they understand about chronic illness.
Treat people with chronic illness with respect, compassion and empathy.

My wife, Karen G Clemenson, has been working with a client for a few years now. This person has been seeing doctors for several issues and had all kinds of tests only to find out that they are totally healthy. Karen has helped them get the extra weight off and finally suggested that they seek out a therapist. Karen can’t diagnose anyone but she has some experience from past work and all I have been through and her prognosis is that this person may be suffering from mental illness and proper therapy may be what they really need. I really hope this person takes this advice to heart. I personally believe that everyone can benefit from from therapy, even if they aren’t mentally ill. We have all been through traumatic experiences and anyone might need some help processing them.

Why am I writing this?

No one is just one part. Yes, I see specialists that only treat one part of me but I am a whole person and the other day I realized something; I was experiencing healing in several areas at once: Mental and physical.

If you follow my blog you probably know that I have not had success with my neurologist and am having to start over, however they were correct on one thing, I do live with migraines and the meds they prescribed me have given me 2 very important parts of myself back to me. Also I have seen a deeper level in my mental health healing that makes me very feel very happy.

When I was a child it took me longer to pick up reading but I remember the summer between 5th and 6th grade, I spent a month with my Aunt in Boston. I had taken a copy of Little Women with me, in hopes to be able to read it, although I had not really caught on yet…but I finally caught the reading bug that summer and over that month I read Little Women and Jack and Jill, both my Louisa May Alcott and a book with over 500 pages about Helen Keller and a few smaller books because my Aunt took my cousins to the library every week and made reading a priority. From that summer on I was an avid reader. If I ran out of my books, I would read my mom’s…I would check out as many as the school library would allow and devour them. In college I took a speed reading course and found I could read 1200 words per minute. But when I got sick in 2014, I lost this. I lost a lot of me then; Some parts that never came back and some parts that I have been trying to get back because they were important to me.

I really don’t remember when I started writing. I know I could spell out my name and simple words at 4 and I would make books for myself at a very young age. My first grade teacher had us make a book as a project and I am sure that inspired many of my creations. When I was about 9 years old, my nana bought me a book to write my poems and short stories in and that was when I started keeping them. Now I have notebooks full of poems and my blog, of course. I have gone through dry spells, especially when I am really sick, sometimes years at a time, but even through the last year I would at least post on Facebook and some of those were actually blog worthy so I harvested a lot of them and added them to my blog over the last few months.

I admitted to Jamie the other day that over that last 8 years I have spent a lot of time playing video games on my phone. I used to spend all day doing that. Over the last 4 years or so, I spent at least 2-4 hours a day just playing games. I had to set a budget for my gaming so I didn’t spend too much. But over that last 6 months I have been realizing I didn’t have a way to save money for Xavier’s vet bills so I have been choosing him over my game and spending less and less. When I got sick a few weeks ago, I just didn’t want to play my games, so I didn’t. I slept. I read. I took medicine. I ate. I slept some more. As I got better I realized I didn’t want to play my games. I still don’t want to play my games. I told Jamie I played my games to disconnect and like the great sister/best friend she is, she knew I was trying to avoid my pain – either mental or physical and just hearing someone say that made me feel really affirmed. This month my game budget is going to a copay for a doctor visit and the rest to Xavier’s savings account. I am writing at least 1 blog a week and I have read 2 full books in the last 2 weeks.

The break from constant headaches and light sensitivity have given me my books and writing back. My faithfulness to take my mood stabilizers and therapy sessions have helped my brain heal and I don’t feel the need to disconnect from my life. Even how I engage on Facebook is different. I find myself actually commenting more and not just liking people’s posts. People like it when you comment, it is like you are actually connecting with them. This is why it is important to not be afraid to acknowledge when you have a problem. Humans are fragile. Some of us are more fragile than others and need more help and that is ok. You don’t treat your crystal poorly because it is more easily broken than your corning ware, you hold it more carefully. We should do that for each other too. I know younger people might not understand that last sentence, so ask your grandmother, she will tell you what I just said.

One thing I like about young people is that they don’t have the fear that older people have about our differences. They are better at being honest about their mental illness or chronic illness or any other difference they may have like: sexual orientation or gender identity. I know that makes a lot of people uncomfortable but I think that is because we were taught to not talk about those things but I think that keeping secrets causes more problems. Now don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for certain conversations and activities; I don’t want to see anyone making out or feeling up anyone, regardless of their genders. Sexual activity and making love is meant for being alone but if someone is hurting you, I want you to find someone and tell them until you find someone who can help you even if that person can just listen and pray like Jamie and I do for each other. No one has the right to lie to you, bully you, or make you feel less than the amazing creation that you are, even if they don’t like you, are scared of you or they hate themselves, which are most of the reasons abusers abuse people anyway.

So how do you cope with stigma?

Get treatment. Treatment can provide the relief of knowing what is wrong and reduce symptoms that interfere with your work and personal life.
Don’t let stigma create self-doubt and shame. Seeking counseling and educating yourself and connecting with people that understand you will help you build your self-esteem and overcome destructive behaviors.
Don’t isolate yourself.
Don’t equate yourself with your illness. You have an illness. It doesn’t have you.
Join a support group. NAMI and the VA offer great programs that may be helpful.
If you are a student get help at school. Teachers that don’t know about what is going on may end up discriminating against a student which may lead to barriers to learning and poor grades.
Speak out against stigma.

I am really lucky. I was suicidal for much of my life from the time I was 16 years old until I was about 30ish and one day I just decided it wasn’t an option. However I do have rules about blades being out and I let Karen know when I feel like Veda is being more hostile than usual. For me suicidal thoughts are rare and fleeting and I am very blessed but I know people that fight with those feelings often. If you are one of those people or you love a person that is having that fight please reach out. Everyone is valuable and worth fighting for. Helpful places to reach out to are:

National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255
Veterans Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255 PRESS 1

We know people with Mental Illness and Chronic Illness, who thrive with proper therapy, medication, diet and movement. If you are needing help creating a Wellness Plan that works for you, please Contact Wellness Works NW at 360-447-8061. Karen G Clemenson is a very caring and authentic person and she is looking forward to talking with you and helping you define your Wellness Goals and strategies.

I hope this article answered questions you had and was easy to understand. If you would like us to write about a particular topic that you can’t find on this site, please send us an email on our Dear Jamie page and someone from Our Team will be glad to research and write about your topic.

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